Just two days back there was an accident involving two cars , an Alto belonging to a 'COMMONER' and a Mercedes belonging of course to a VIP . It led to the death of a small child but the Headlines in electronic as well as print media were screaming about a few minor cuts to the VIP. Then an outrage began on social media which focused on the travesty of the situation which was again ironical because they were the first to report the news highlighting the VIP part whereas on an average 50-100 deaths occur in road accidents all over India getting hardly, if ever, a mention anywhere. More than two thirds of people jailed in India are under trials while a VIP accused not only gets a bail but eats away the headlines for days on end just because ... Because you know why ...
What has gotten into us to make us the most UNEQUAL nation in the entire world. It has to do with the 'VIP culture' which is as big a hallmark of India as The Taj Mahal .
VIP cultures do not develop in a vacuum. They come from the attitudes we inculcate in our children and young adults at home and school.
I believe that we are a poorly parented people prone to indiscipline and indulgence. We over indulge our children – and for that matter our household pets also– and do nothing to teach them manners, good civic behaviour, and basic discipline. We thus learn to be served and treated like kings when we have done nothing to deserve this and which in turn leads to our non-existent civic sense.
How many of us are 'Really' willing to wait in queues if we can find a way around them? How many of us use the front door to get a work done if a back door is available? How many of us observe road rules when no one is looking? How many of us treat people less fortunate than ourselves – the hotel waiter, the driver, the rickshawallah – as equals? Consider how we behave on the road: we honk like loonies to ask other cars and vehicles to get out of way and when stuck in a jam, the honking goes overboard as if that alone will clear the traffic.
And to think of it , hardly two generations back, we were reasonably ethical and civic who had good manners, if nothing else. Part of that was the result of a culturally-ingrained respect for elders – which still endures, possibly for the wrong reasons – but as the post-independence generations grew prosperous and able to afford the conveniences of life, our parenting styles changed. We suddenly loosened up on basic responsibilities, hoping that schools or someone else will do the job on our behalf even as we chased careers, and the good life for ourselves and our progenies .
Indian parenting loses out when we are afraid to offer tough love to our children, as a result of which they grow into self-indulgent, uncaring, ill-mannered kids who demand attention and instant gratification even if it is at someone else's cost.
The next time you are on a flight or in train (be it upscale Rajdhani , shatabdi or any ordinary one ) or in any other public place like a cinema hall, just observe how Indian kids behave and the western ones (if you happen to find them )do. More likely than not, the Indian kid will be busy screaming or running down the aisles and making a nuisance ; the western one will be restrained and would just not bother anyone else, least of all their parents. Also Check how parents sit at a hotel, fussing about feeding their child, even while the kid is getting on everybody else's nerve by howling and clamouring for something else.
One can speculate on why this is so, but I can think of three tentative reasons.
First, the two or three post-independence generations India produced, somehow dropped their guards on effective parenting. As we moved from scarcity and poverty to prosperity, we invested less in parenting as we tried to get ahead of the pack and improve our economic lot. We chose economic advancement over parenting, and expected our parents, our maids, our schools and just about anybody else to do our parenting for us but at the same time we also developed a huge guilt trip about this. We tried to make up for our lack of parenting by over-indulging our children, giving them luxuries without their earning them. Not surprisingly, our kids grew up to demand things as their right, throwing tantrums if they didn't get what they want. Is it any surprise, our VIPs behave just that way? This is what they learnt at home actually, when young.
Second, spousal relationships have not evolved to really genuine partnerships in changing times, and the mother-son dynamic has probably done the most damage. When the spousal relationship is less than equal , the attention of the mother at home tends to focus on children – and sons get the biggest indulgence, with mothers filling the emotional deficit due from the spouse by demanding it from their sons. This is at the root of all 'saas-bahu' problems, as adult men see their partners as lacking in the care they were used to from their over-indulgent mothers.
Third, in public life, India's extreme diversity has created a society where public office is seen as the route to private profit, or as an opportunity to favour the family and groups we belong to – our caste, our religion, or our ethnic community. The rule of law depends on who is administering it. Little wonder, no one respects the law. It is observed only when convenient.
So that most Indians grow up to be self-indulgent, uncaring, unlawful - and often ill-behaved dolts. This is what we are seeing in the amoral, self-seeking VIP culture of today.
So the ultimate question Is can we really become a better society without getting better at parenting ? Your guess is as good as mine ;)
What has gotten into us to make us the most UNEQUAL nation in the entire world. It has to do with the 'VIP culture' which is as big a hallmark of India as The Taj Mahal .
VIP cultures do not develop in a vacuum. They come from the attitudes we inculcate in our children and young adults at home and school.
I believe that we are a poorly parented people prone to indiscipline and indulgence. We over indulge our children – and for that matter our household pets also– and do nothing to teach them manners, good civic behaviour, and basic discipline. We thus learn to be served and treated like kings when we have done nothing to deserve this and which in turn leads to our non-existent civic sense.
How many of us are 'Really' willing to wait in queues if we can find a way around them? How many of us use the front door to get a work done if a back door is available? How many of us observe road rules when no one is looking? How many of us treat people less fortunate than ourselves – the hotel waiter, the driver, the rickshawallah – as equals? Consider how we behave on the road: we honk like loonies to ask other cars and vehicles to get out of way and when stuck in a jam, the honking goes overboard as if that alone will clear the traffic.
And to think of it , hardly two generations back, we were reasonably ethical and civic who had good manners, if nothing else. Part of that was the result of a culturally-ingrained respect for elders – which still endures, possibly for the wrong reasons – but as the post-independence generations grew prosperous and able to afford the conveniences of life, our parenting styles changed. We suddenly loosened up on basic responsibilities, hoping that schools or someone else will do the job on our behalf even as we chased careers, and the good life for ourselves and our progenies .
Indian parenting loses out when we are afraid to offer tough love to our children, as a result of which they grow into self-indulgent, uncaring, ill-mannered kids who demand attention and instant gratification even if it is at someone else's cost.
The next time you are on a flight or in train (be it upscale Rajdhani , shatabdi or any ordinary one ) or in any other public place like a cinema hall, just observe how Indian kids behave and the western ones (if you happen to find them )do. More likely than not, the Indian kid will be busy screaming or running down the aisles and making a nuisance ; the western one will be restrained and would just not bother anyone else, least of all their parents. Also Check how parents sit at a hotel, fussing about feeding their child, even while the kid is getting on everybody else's nerve by howling and clamouring for something else.
One can speculate on why this is so, but I can think of three tentative reasons.
First, the two or three post-independence generations India produced, somehow dropped their guards on effective parenting. As we moved from scarcity and poverty to prosperity, we invested less in parenting as we tried to get ahead of the pack and improve our economic lot. We chose economic advancement over parenting, and expected our parents, our maids, our schools and just about anybody else to do our parenting for us but at the same time we also developed a huge guilt trip about this. We tried to make up for our lack of parenting by over-indulging our children, giving them luxuries without their earning them. Not surprisingly, our kids grew up to demand things as their right, throwing tantrums if they didn't get what they want. Is it any surprise, our VIPs behave just that way? This is what they learnt at home actually, when young.
Second, spousal relationships have not evolved to really genuine partnerships in changing times, and the mother-son dynamic has probably done the most damage. When the spousal relationship is less than equal , the attention of the mother at home tends to focus on children – and sons get the biggest indulgence, with mothers filling the emotional deficit due from the spouse by demanding it from their sons. This is at the root of all 'saas-bahu' problems, as adult men see their partners as lacking in the care they were used to from their over-indulgent mothers.
Third, in public life, India's extreme diversity has created a society where public office is seen as the route to private profit, or as an opportunity to favour the family and groups we belong to – our caste, our religion, or our ethnic community. The rule of law depends on who is administering it. Little wonder, no one respects the law. It is observed only when convenient.
So that most Indians grow up to be self-indulgent, uncaring, unlawful - and often ill-behaved dolts. This is what we are seeing in the amoral, self-seeking VIP culture of today.
So the ultimate question Is can we really become a better society without getting better at parenting ? Your guess is as good as mine ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment